When I was a child I was convinced that my upbringing was as others were. In later years I found out that this was not the case and this came as quite a shock to me. So much of a shock that it made a sort of split in how I thought of my childhood for some time. You may have experienced this. When a story which has a huge amount of truth is suddenly and irrevocably changed into a different story. This. Can rock the very foundations of who we believe ourselves to be. I know it had this effect on me.
After some time a member of my family came to me to confirm my mum in particular was not the loving soul my childhood self had believed her to be. They confirmed that she was ‘not nice’ or as I would have put it then ‘toxic’. This bought about a shift in how I was thinking. I blamed my mother for a long time and in the words of Eckhart Tolle I identified with my pain body over this realisation that my mother because of her own generational trauma was not able to love me in the unconditional way that is expected of her.
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